confession of a bitch

lama tak bukak blogger . been busy . with the mid term attacking and all . life's good . love life is just fine . friends are great . new friends , old friends . well , they're both great . but still there's always something or specifically SOME PEOPLE bothering . since entering form 5 , i learned to control my temper , my bitchiness . i start being nice to people . i'm very aware that i'm not a kind person . not at all . but i tried doing random act of kindness . petty random act of kindness . maybe i didn't made any difference , but i felt good doing it . and NO , i'm not a nice person . i hope i can be one . and i'm trying my best to be one . i started being nice to people i used to stay away from due to my snobbish egoistic old self . started being friends with them . and apparently , i love them . they're not what i thought they were . lets just say i grow fond of them . my best friend will always be my best friend . and yeah , it's best friend now , no best friendS . lets just say the other one got lost along the way of growing up . but i , WE still love you despite all the things you did to us . whatever . i'm not a melancholic kinda person . okay continue... everyone have foes enemies people they hate dislike whatever . i tried my best not to have one this year because it's my last year in school . imagine , another 20 years or so , going to a reunion and thinking "tafaaaak , this woman called me bontot besar . god i hate her" it's not a really nice feeling isn't it ? and yeah , i did called , SHOUTED at someone that insulting insult . and i'm sorry for it . yeah , it's my fault but i wasn't completely at fault though . i just can't stand listening to you people's torment and insult towards me and my friends . we are normal humans , have feelings and temper too . and sorry , but i think it's rather unfair of you to say that i'm a bitch or anything because you've been doing the same thing -insulting me and my friends- too . and i kept my heads up but mouth shut . and what does my friends have to with the things i did ? can you see the difference now ? my friends didn't do or said anything about you guys but you people , the whole lot of you are acting like...lets just call it uncivilised . whatever . i'm guilty too . and i'm sorry for it . and no i'm not asking you to forgive me or anything . oh yeah , i want to state here that i don't really mind not to have a flock of friends or admirers in my hands . i'm contented with a couple of honest , true friends and someone who would do anything for me . i kept wondering , did i ever bother you ? i did bitched about the noisy one . but did i ever bother you , ex best friend ? did i ever bother you, superstar ? did i ever bother you , tomboy ? did i ever bother you , now-free-hair ? if i ever did , then i'm sorry . i know you'll be saying i'm such a coward for saying all of these in my blog and not right into your face . god knows how i want to say this in your face . but look in the mirror and ask yourself if you'll be civilised when i say all of these to you . you know the answer . i don't want to pick fights . not at this age . and just look at the reason why we're fighting . it's childish . i tainted my dignity , or in a rather bitchy way , turunkan aku punya standard , when i shouted insults at you that day . i admit i was wrong . being bitchy and all . and i'm sorry . i'll ponder if i want to apologize face to face . i know we can't be friends and i don't think i want it that badly . but i don't really mind saying hi or smiling when we pass by . but i know you'll be making fun of me . uncivilised you are . say what you want , do what you want to me and my friends . don't fret , starting from today i'll ignore all the torments and bitchings . i'm growing up , but though i have a lot more to learn . i'm such a bitch but trying hard not to be one . i'm taking petty steps to be a better person . and to start , i would like to say sorry to you guys . the forgiveness i ask for is not out of fear or hypocrisy . i'm being honest . and one of these days , i'll face you guys and ask for forgiveness . your acceptance doesn't matter to me . like i said , petty random act of kindness i do to other being makes me feel good about myself , makes me happy , makes me proud of this bitchy immature self of mine . life is short , i'm trying my best to make it meaningful and happy . stop bothering me , i'm trying to live my life . i'm sorry if i bothered you .