i guess you've forgotten those stuff

do you still remember .....

..... on our first official date , we watched movies together , and before the movie started , we hung out outside because you and your friend wanna have pufsssss of ciggy , and i was standing , and out of a sudden , you hugged me from the back , you held me tight around the waist , and you spinned me round and round ? and i laughed . yknow, i was so so happy , i felt blissful . did you feel like that too ?

..... in the cinema , i stayed far from you , but you leaned towards me , and you turned to me , you whispered those 3 words , that was the first time you said that in my face ? but i didn't say anything , i just smiled . because i love AA too much , i can't say those 3 magical words to any other guy

..... we were in a shop , and i was in a queue , and you hugged me from the back , and you leaned on my shoulder , you held me tight and we talked , and you whispered things to me , and we threw a glance at the mirror at our side , and i laughed because you're humongous and i'm miniscule , and you smiled ? i miss that

..... you used to text me and wish me 'goodnight' almost every night ?

..... you used to wait for me finish doing my revision till 11pm so you can text me ? but now you're so preoccupied

..... you used to drive me to nowhere for an hour or two HAHA , and while driving , you always held my hands ? and i'm always with my sad face , and you'll stroke my face and ask why i'm sad while you know the reason i'm sad is because of AA . you know i love AA , but you've never questioned it

..... if you picked me up from school , you'll drive me to mcd because i'll demand a cup of strawberry sundae ? you spoilt me awfully

..... you always did that 'yelaaaah' face when i demanded for silly stuff , but you still gave me what i want , you never said no ? i'm sorry for being a pain in the arse

..... and you always picked me up after my futsal game with my classmates , and i'll ask for a meal at mcd , and i'll take 30 minutes just to finish up my 6 pieces nuggets , and you'll wait patiently , and later , we'll be stuck in a jam , and i'll use your phone to tell papa the same lame excuse , and we spend lotsa time talking in the jam , and i'll babble nonsensically (and my habit of repeating the same story makes it worst haha you call it 'radio rosak') , i'll whine a lotttt , tell you about my relationship with AA and i'll ask silly questions and yet , you entertained me ? i miss those moments

..... on weekends or holidays , we'll go for a breakfast/lunch/high tea together ? i wonder when we'll be able to do that again

..... you piggyback-ed me that time at the futsal place because i said i was exhausted , i was being a drama queen , and you tolerated with me , and you piggyback-ed me all the way to the car ? heh i really really miss that

i wish i can tell you how i really feel . i wish i can turn back time . back then , you cared so much . back then , you always have time for me . i miss all those moments . up there , i listed some of our memories together . there's more . you're the only one who knows about it , that is if you still remember . we had so much fun together . that's the glitch ! FUN . we had FUN together . it was all for FUN eh ? as much as it hurts me , i won't let you know about it . remember the last time we were in each other's presence , and i totally ignored you . did it hurt you ? i hope it did because that was the main purpose of doing it . i want you to feel what i'm feeling nowadays when you were never there for me . I KNOW you realized that i was ignoring you . you looked...idk...when i went off with your friend . i guess , you're not used to seeing me happy with other people . I AM ABSOLUTELY ABLE TO BE HAPPY EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND ANYMORE . but , i wished you were here to share my happiness and to add the happiness in my life . i miss you , best friend , i miss you , big brother . i truly do . but i'm taking baby steps to get away from you , to learn to live without you AT ALL . i'm trying to move on . i know you think lover boy will hurt me , but i love him more than i love you . so imma walk away from you with his hands helding me tight .